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I feel like I am on the verge of something big and life changing.

I don't talk much about work here. For almost 10 years, I have worked at a Residential Treatment Center for adolescents. Many of the students have some kind of psychiatric issue they are working on. Since April, I have filled the role of Nurse Case Manager. In this role, I act as patient advocate for  my assigned kids, and track and help them with medical, health, wellness and even psych issues, I work with the treatment team closely to ensure an individualized approach. I work closely with the students, helping them with health related issues. I have taken a very holistic approach and have worked closely with the students, parents, therapists, residential staff and other partners on the team.

We got a new director of nursing last month, and the very first thing she did after being announced was remove me from the position. I was an easy cut because I was part time. The option left to me is to be in the PRN pool of nurses who just fill in whenever it is necessary. After the work I was doing, this is not rewarding at all and there are no guaranteed hours. It's a long story with a lot more details. In short, instead of feeling appreciated and valued for my skills, I feel the opposite. 

The problem is that it is difficult to find a place where my very unique set of skills fit. I have 10 years mental health experience, knowledge and skills in health and wellness, coaching capabilities (I taught the students individually and in group settings), and a passion to empower people.

One thing I have realized over the last few years is, there are so many health professionals, physical and emotional, who are limited in their abilities to work with their clientele. They don't have the time to give support that is often very needed. While I cannot diagnose, treat, heal, or prescribe, I can provide support and guidance. This could be very helpful as people learn to make changes and new habits. My strengths and set of skills fit well in this area. Maybe it is time to start thinking outside of "the Box."

While I am still looking for a job, I am researching and exploring what it would take to create my own business as a Health and Wellness/Lifestyle Mentor. The more I network, the more I like the idea, and I am finding other people who like the idea as well. 

Weaknesses

I know by writing this, there is a chance I might offend someone. I want whoever chooses to read this to realize that I have no intention of offending, but sharing something I have learned about myself. I have seen a lot of informational posts lately about introverts on social media and I want to discuss this in my own space.
If people know me under superficial circumstances, they may think that I am not an introvert. I can be engaging and I can talk to people. But it's not easy. It's something I am learning and have been learning how to do.
Last year at one point, I was afraid that I was developing an anxiety disorder. I remember being in a group of people, many of whom I knew, and all I wanted to do was run. I was fighting feelings of panic. I had to be there and I couldn't leave. For several months, I unconsciously dwelt on those feelings, and started to use them as excuses as to why I didn't want to do various things.
Then several months later, I went to a huge gathering of people. The convention center in Salt Lake City was packed. I had to sit in a place surrounded by thousands of people and no quick escape route. What absolutely astounded me at the time was I was fine.
I started exploring and studying more about the influences our emotions have, studying the potentials we have in all kinds of places, from the scriptures, to the medical research available to the holistic and alternative.
From the holistic world, I learn methods that help me, I have also learned about the physical effects that these emotions have. There are mental exercises that help me, and as always, I love the support essential oils have given. This gives me tools to work with.
On the spiritual side, I am learning so much about who I am, and how to strengthen my relationship with God. I am more than my fears, limitations and phobias. I can rise above them. There is a scripture that stands out to me that I want to share.
The first is Ether 12:27, "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."
I am thankful for my weakness. It has helped me turn to God, to my Heavenly Father. He has shown me that I am more than the insignificance I feel so often. I am His and I want to be one of His messengers, sharing this message that we are more than we seem. As I learn about my weaknesses, I become more aware and compassionate of the weakness that others struggle with as well. I have amazing people who have been my angels when I needed people to lean upon, and I want to be there for others to lean on as well. My weaknesses have also guided me on my path as to what I want to do with my life.
What I want to say to those who identify as introverts, is don't get caught up in it. If there is something that is holding you back, turn to your Higher Power, whoever that is, and let go, even if it is a tiny piece at a time. As you grow stronger, reach out in ways that your are inspired to and help someone else. This not only helps the person you are reaching out to, but it also helps you.

Love

A dear friend of mine passed away last week. It was a surprise and a shock. I have never met anyone quite like this friend, and I shall miss her always. She was someone that we could just talk about whatever was on our minds and it was okay and we celebrated together our uniqueness. We had the same kinds of crazy interests. We felt the same about so many different kinds of things. I keep thinking of her wishing I could go share the latest cool discovery and epiphany. She loved life and those close to her, and the love was reciprocated.

I have done a lot of thinking about the power of love. There are books and books, movies and music, and more all dedicated to trying to express and describe and make sense of this very enigmatic emotion. I personally believe that the English language is greatly lacking in it's ability to describe. I just know what I feel. I also know that without it, people are not able to achieve happiness.

There is a quote I love by a great and spiritual leader, Thomas Monson:

I have found that those people I look up to realize the importance of letting people aroung them know that they care. We are made to love and to share that feeling. The more we share it, the more we receive. 

After last week, I am even more motivated to let people know that I care. That they are important. That they matter. Because they do. There is so much that is negative all around us. The strongest weapon we have to combat negativity is love. Love brings joy and peace and worth.  Give yourself permission to love and to be loved! You ARE worth it!